His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
