He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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