Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
