We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
