Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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