you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.