You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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