Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful