At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?