Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away