I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
