The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
