so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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