How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
