I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
