Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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