I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize