I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
