I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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