I just made out with a guy for $7.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
