When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
