the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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