so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So apparently I’m into choking now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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