Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
