They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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