you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
