Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
