I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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