i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
