New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
