I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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