WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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