Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
