I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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