Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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