The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
