My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
