Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
