if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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