I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
