I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
