he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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