that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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