dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
