please come you make the beer taste better
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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