I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
