Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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