I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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