Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
