Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
