please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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