One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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