listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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