Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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