How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
