Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
