bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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