Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
