Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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