Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So much Jack, so little girl.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
