dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
