we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
