A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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