Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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