Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
