so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
