I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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