i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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