He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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