Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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