happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
