So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
