if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
