I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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