if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
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Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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