I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nutella sex= disaster
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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